Stay
by Kayami Naru
Summary: Kirk finds out that Spock has been promoted and is transferring to his own star ship. Kirk needs him to stay and Spock realizes that when it involves Kirk, his Vulcan side just can't win. (Spirk, based loosely on the song Stay by Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko).


The blonde man stared at the paper in his hands without really seeing it. While the paper was filled with lines and lines of tiny words, only eight words meant anything to him: First Officer Spock to be promoted and transferred. It took the captain a moment to realize that it wasn't air rustling the paper, his hands were shaking violently. Not wanting to watch his hands shake, he refolded the paper slowly. The blonde shoved it back into the envelope it had arrived in and set the envelope on his desk in his quarters.

Spock was leaving? Leaving the _Enterprise, _leaving the bridge, and most importantly, leaving _him_? While their romantic relationship was an extremely casual one— dinners together in their quarters, chess matches, the occasional make out session— Jim would have at least expected the Vulcan to come and speak with him about it. Didn't Spock understand how this affected him as well?

This couldn't be right.

Jim was the cold sweated, hot headed believer of a Captain and Spock was the cool blooded, even minded First Officer to balance his recklessness. And when Jim couldn't find a solution, he's thrown his hands in the air and asks Spock to show him something to make the situation better. They were the golden pair of Star Fleet, able to tackle anything that came their way. So, why was his First Officer being transferred?

The thoughts didn't clearly register with him before there was a soft knock at his door. Jim stared at the door for a long moment, exasperated by the thought of having to talk to anyone right now, but ultimately he was the captain of the ship and his personal problems came last. With a sigh, he commanded the computer system to open the door.

Kirk wished he'd ignored the visitor as a tall, professional man stepped through the threshold with his hands folded nearly behind his back and his face appropriately blank.

"Spock." Kirk's voice was soft, resigned, and tired.

The first officer— _former first officer, _Kirk reminded himself— raised a brow at the tone.

"Good evening, captain. I came to speak with you on the reports we are to send to Star Fleet this evening, however, considering the tone of your voice, I believe it would be better if you rested and I handled the reports alone."

Kirk couldn't help the affectionate smile that split his lips. Spock was always so professional and proper and _perfect_. Everything that Jim was not. That's why they were the perfect pair, whether it is on the bridge or in their personal lives. Kirk would be lying if he said he didn't look forward to their evening chess matches or the occasional spar or when Spock would bring his dinner to Kirk's room. They had a balance, a perfect chemistry that flourished.

And soon, it would be over. Spock was being promoted to captain and given his own ship. Kirk would be lucky if he ever saw the Vulcan again outside of emergency meetings and Star Fleet functions. The idea of that reality curled Kirk's stomach in uncomfortable knots.

"That is not necessary, Mr. Spock. I am well rested and fine. I would enjoy working on the reports with you. First, though, I'd like to talk about a personal matter that has been brought to his attention. "

Kirk needed to ask what Spock felt about being transferred. He could tell that the half human felt the same balance between them, but a deep part of him yearned to know if the attachment was as all consuming as it was for the Captain.

Spock raised a brow at the Captain, who he could tell was nervous by the slight increase in his heartbeat and the way his hands were trembling. Curious as to the way his Captain was acting in this fashion, the Vulcan tilted his head in agreement.

Kirk swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I have just been made aware that you're being transferred." God, why was it so hard to sound casual? He sounded like a nervous, near stuttering teenager. Clearing his throat, he continued. .

"Are you taking the promotion?"

Spock blinked dark brown eyes at his friend. He had not expected the conversation to take this turn. Truthfully, he had known about the impending promotion for a week and three hours. He had been thinking about it almost non-stop since and had avoided talking about it with his Captain until he organized his own thoughts and feelings on the matter.

While the prospect of his own starship had once been an appealing thought, he couldn't help but wonder what a bridge would be like without his Captain sitting in the chair. It was a displeasing thought. The Vulcan had meditated for long hours on the subject, trying desperately to come to some solution that would return him to peace of mind and body. There had only been one logical solution.

"I was surprised to hear of my promotion, Captain, and agreed to take the position of Captain on the _U.S.S. Valiant _effective next month," his tone was clipped and tight, as if he was saying something that made him uncomfortable, and his eyes tightened slightly.

Kirk felt like the breath had been knocked out of him. A tiny part of him had hoped to hear that Spock had turned the promotion down, that he was going to stay on the bridge of the _Enterprise _right where he belonged. While anger was rising in his blood, the nearly physical pain of, what he could only assume was, heartbreak overshadowed the anger. He didn't realize he was crying until Spock was touching his cheek gently and his hand returned with a glistening tear on it.

"What is the meaning of these tears, Captain?"

Kirk made a choking noise when he attempted to speak and had to clear his throat before he could successfully say anything.

"I was, am, taken by surprise is all, Comm- _Captain. _I wasn't expecting it and I'm surprised that you never came to speak with me about it." _I wasn't expecting you to say yes. I wasn't expecting you to leave._

Spock waited and agonizing moment before nodding and stepping away, Kirk raised an arm to wipe the tears away before he realized that it was pointless. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he buried his head in his hands and his shoulders shook.

"You c-can't go, Spock!" he exploded, "The _Enterprise _needs you here, on her bridge. I need you here! I want you to stay."

He looked up at his passive friend with watery eyes and a grimace. Spock had yet to say anything.

"I don't know how to feel about it, how to process it. It's something in the way we _move _together. Perfect balance, absolute equilibrium. I couldn't get another First Officer, Spock. I can't live on this ship without you. You being here get me through the missions; you take me all the way home when something goes wrong. Without you, the ship would be missing it's other half. I would be missing my other half!"

Oh god, oh _god, _the truth was pouring out of him faster than his tears and he couldn't control what he was saying anymore.

"The reason I hold on, the reason I'm even telling you this, is because I can't stand the hole that you leaving would create. I mean, who's going to save my ass if you're not around?"

In the dark corner of Kirk's mind, he was slightly ashamed by the fact that Spock was the one who had lost his home and mother, the one who should be broken, yet Kirk was the one that was lost in a sea of emotion that he needed to be saved from.

He stopped, then, and choked on the tears that ended up going down his throat. The room was quiet and the silence made Jim feeling like he was suffocating. Wiping his eyes and nose roughly with the sleeve of his Federation issue gold shirt, he looked at Spock's empty face with a withering look. It took a moment of deep breathing for him to be able to speak again. His voice was husky and raw.

"I'm sorry, to blow up like that. It was completely inappropriate and unprofessional of me. It just," a shaky breath, "Caught me off guard. You can… return to your rooms. I will handle the reports."

Kirk turned his back on the stone still Vulcan and bit his tongue to hold back the thousand other words that he wanted to say. Batting his eyes, he fought tears. Clenching his fists, he fought to stop shaking. He was so concentrated in trying to hold it together under he heard that door close that Jim didn't realize Spock was next to him until a soft hand touched his face. Looking up with tear filled eyes, Kirk took in the very open expression that Spock wore. His eyes were torn and his face pinched in displeasure, as if he had a putrid taste in his mouth.

"I… Apologize, Jim, for upsetting you. I should have come to speak with you on the matter the moment that I knew of it." Spock hesitated before, uncharacteristically, sighing and kneeling down in front of Jim.

Jim's eyes followed him silently.

"I meditated extensively on the topic of my transfer. The logical, Vulcan side of me knew that taking the position was good for my career and my life in Star Fleet. It is all I had worked towards in my time as a part of the Federation. The human half of me didn't agree. It feels like I belong on this ship, at your side. As you know, I chose to follow the Vulcan path as a young child and in this instance it was no different."

Jim attempted to twist away from this, from this conversation, from Spock's grimacing face, away from this entire _God damned _situation. He didn't want to hear Spock say that his Vulcan traditions were more important than their friendship, and more importantly, their budding romance.

"Jim, wait, please allow me to continue."

Kirk looked at Spock with a half hearted glare before crossing his arms over his chest. It looked as if he was trying to protect himself from something and the mere thought of Spock being a danger to Kirk made the Vulcan's grimace darken.

"I was… mistaken, in assuming that you would not be hurt by my decision. And…"

Spock struggled for a moment before sighing.

"I was mistaken to think that I could follow my Vulcan sense when it comes to you." Spock shook his head with a small smile.

"What are you talking about?" Jim asked his voice hoarse.

Spock traced a nonsense pattern on Jim's hand, the way his mother used to do when she could somehow sense that Spock was upset, and his dark eyes softened.

"Every time you're in close proximity with my being, my heart beat quickens. I feel in a way that I cannot repress. You bring out my human half, Jim, in a way that cannot be denied. I should have realized that my human half would be victorious in occasions that involve you."

Kirk, as much as it scared him, started to feel fragile hope blossom in his chest. He leaned toward Spock, his hand clutching the Vulcan's despite what he knew about the touch was sensitive for Vulcans.

Spock got the full effect of Kirk's emotions. Desperation and despair attached to a memory of the letter Kirk had received. Hope, like baby bird trying to flap its wings, fluttering in Jim as he waited for Spock's response to his inquiry regarding the job. The all consuming, heart tightening, stomach churning, mind numbing pain when Kirk realizes that Spock is really leaving.

He has to rip his hand away and gasp for breath from the intensity of the emotions washing over him. A shudder ran through the Vulcan and he put a hand to his forehead as he struggled to control himself. Kirk knelt down in front of him quickly, his hands fluttering around Spock as if trying to help without touching the man again.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to be like that. I just, I just wanted you to see what I was feeling. To know that I wasn't lying and that I want, _need, _you to stay."

Spock, having regained his composure, swallowed thickly before trusting himself to speak.

"I will stay here."

"What?" Kirk didn't believe his ears. "But taking that position is logical, and you're near governed by logic." His brows furrowed.

Spock could only shake his head.

"After the destruction of my home planet, my father told me that what is necessary is never illogical. I explained to him the feelings I was feeling toward Nero and my mother's death. He told me that my mother would tell me not to fight those feelings."

Spock ran a long finger down a tear track on Jim's face. His lips just barely lifted at the corners.

"Staying with you is necessary, and thus, logical."

Kirk couldn't speak, so he settled with throwing him at the Vulcan and barraging him with kisses to his face and lips.

The next morning, Kirk couldn't be happier when his First Officer, now committed, official boyfriend, stepped onto the bridge and sat behind him. With Spock at his side, Kirk could go all the way through the universe and back.


End file.
